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Turkey Terrorist
In many ways, she's always been with us: the Baba Yaga; Madame LaFarge; the Dobaba; the Kali Durga; Snow White’s step-mother; Hansel & Gretel’s nemeses ----in other words,'The She-Devil' : beautiful in spell, dark in deed.
"Although the majority of demons in most cultures tend to be male, female demons, she-devils, and the like are also common. Ancient Greek mythology abounds with evil female creatures, from the Gorgons, the most famous of whom was snaky-locked Medusa, whose glance could turn a mortal into stone, to the monster Python, whom Apollo killed at the site of Delphi, to the equally bloodthirsty female Sphinx, whose riddle Oedipus managed to solve, causing her to drop dead."
Palintologists using Bible Matrix software have concluded incontrovertibly that Ms. Palin is definitely a Wicca projection of the Gorgon species, and uses the disguise of a Third Wave Jesus cultist to Bible-Barbie her way up the ladder to ultimate power in the declining days of the American Empire. Her church, the Wasilla Church of God, believes in witches, spells, laying on of hams, and demonic projections of which she is secretly known as the Sarathong Palindusa.
Many theologians have been predicting the manifestation of this friend of the anti-Christ for decades, considering her the yum to his yam, the meeting of evil perfection in the most pleasing form----the Gorgon for the new American century. Her thirst for blood and war is legendary. Efforts to thwart her growing powers have been only partly successful. Her glance turned cretins to stone at McCain presidential campaign rallies, and little could be done to stop her. Even the ancient Apollo McCain was too worn out to control her terrible mesmerizing effect, now know as the Tiara Stare, the Sash-Rash Smile, or “U-Bettcha Botchulism.“ Even Katie Couric’s riddles did not cause her to drop dead, although many had hoped as much.
This monsteress goes bolder by the hour, and recently revealed her true self at this most sacred of American holidays: Thanksgiving. The Palindusa’s sporting thirst for blood is well documented, as she has been filmed praying over the corpses of wildlife shot down by high powered rifles from helicopters. Natives of her hunting regions hide when they hear the blades of death hovering above villages, knowing she might take innocents in the same manner she savages out wolf cubs from their nesting burrows.
Although it is rumored that the Sarahthong actually eats the first bite of the still beating heart of her victims( like John McCain), no film has yet come forth. Campaign insiders have leaked that the Palindusa grew enraged when she found McCain had no heart to rip out, and thus went rogue.
Consort, Tod Palin, is rumored to clean up the bodies after gutting to take home and feed her hatchlings when not using them as stunt babies at public events. There is always a fear that the hatchling predators will turn on each other. A scene of baby Piper licking baby Trig at the vice presidential acceptance speech caused considerable concern among campaign staffers. It is rumored that is why the baby was frequently the matter of so many ‘Hail Mary passes' from crowd to stage.
Let it not be said that monsters don’t have a sense of humor. The Palindusa visited a turkey farm in her home coven of Wasilla recently to grant the traditional Thanksgiving pardon to one turkey. But as the former Republican vice presidential hopeful took questions from reporters and gave forth chirpy optimistic answers, a momentary lapse in the magic hologram of her lovely spell revealed (Oh, the Horror!) a scene out of Turkey Auschwitz, as a farm worker was seen feeding the birds into a grinder. The Palindusa could smell the blood spurting all over the place, and could hardly conceal her glee:
"Oh, this was neat. I was happy to get to be invited to participate in this," she continued. "For one, you need a little bit of levity in this job, especially with so much that has gone on in the last couple of months that has been so political obviously that it's nice to get out and do something to promote local business and to just participate in something that isn't so heavy-handed.”
"I, Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, anticipating and hoping that in the spirit of Thanksgiving, Alaskans everywhere will find adequate nourishment elsewhere and without this particular turkey I do hereby grant Thanksgiving a full amnesty and pardon and it is so ordered and we will pick one of the big Toms," Palin said, before picking out her pardoned turkey.”
Sounds like Marta Goebbels digging through a mountain of confiscated camp jewelry looking for designer pieces. The Palindusa absorbs the spirits of her victims. If your Thanksgiving turkey has heavy eyeliner, a penciled beak, big jewelry, and tiara imprints on its head---- RUN! RUN!
"I'm Stuffed!"